


And then he laughed

by LeonardWatchLOL



Series: When Swindlers Start Laughing [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, I'm Sorry, M/M, Monologue, Post-デュラララ!!×２ 結 | Durarara!!x2 Ketsu, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:20:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23326150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeonardWatchLOL/pseuds/LeonardWatchLOL
Summary: There was no better way to deal with strong men than showing  all just how fast you could shatter them.Like glass, some would say.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Series: When Swindlers Start Laughing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677868
Kudos: 13





	And then he laughed

It wasn't like him to be weak. Nobody would call him that, either.

He was Heiwajima Shizuo, for fuck's sake-

"They fuck you up pretty _nicely_ , eh?"

Looking up, it took you some time to realize you were actually alone, the smell of cigarette ash and foolishness lingering in the air. The dirt and soil being your only company under the greyish sky and full moon, she looks down at you from far away. Heiwajima Shizuo was alive, nonetheless. That was your hope. 

Izaya used to talk about things like this at unusual times, you recall to dissuade the pain from taking over. It's funny, in retrospect.

Izaya watching you cook with one of your cigarettes on his hand (never actually smoking, the little bastard), talking about how gods cannot be touched, how beasts like you try to and fail. You just laugh and tell him to shut up and eat, that it might make him finally gain some weight just to tease him. You never said that, just a few hours ago, you were touching him like no other had. And he had let you do it with his arms open and laughing the whole time.

Sometimes, when both of you were too exhausted to fuck, and you less annoyed at him than usual he would start talking about anything and you would listen, because what else could you do but watch him rearrange his books at 3 am in the morning.

Looking for stars and you can still hear them. Laughing and pulling and you hate it. Hate it because they dare to laugh at you, dare even though they would never stand against you in a fair fight. You hate it because you can't stop them.

A part of you had wished to shut them up, your blood boiling and an immense urge to show them just who should have been laughing and you realize that this is how Izaya felt when he talked about his higher-ups. Or maybe this is you trying to feel better. It doesn't matter. They make you stay quiet and it tastes like salt inside a wound. Metallic sourness still all over you. 

It wasn't like you couldn't have overpowered them, at least after the first hour. That was never a question. It had been about what you were going to lose and in the end, it just hurts too much to remember what it was at all. 

The rats are scratching... 

You have to move and they might come back are thoughts that cross your mind yet you know you can't and they won't. They had their fill, taking what they wanted and ripping you to pieces for a joke gone too far and leaving you to pick up their mess. Taking and braking so much now you ask yourself if there was ever really something worth picking in the first place. You know there wasn't. As everything when it comes to you. 

The air is cool and you so hot. Hot and sweaty and-

It's gone, but you don't know that. It might have always been gone, they told you why and you cannot recall between the disgusting compliments and sweet promises of worse. 

You are strong, just not the type of strong you needed. It's surprising in a way, how full of life you were just hours ago and how the void you knew was there has almost consumed you now. 

In between falling sleep and observing the never-ending shining of the moon (which Izaya told you it's actually the Sun shining while laughing at you) you think about the why, how, and who. Part of you wishes it was his idea, his fault, and his plan. 

It's simple and common enough, how everything revolves around his schemes. Nobody would argue, partially because nobody does with you, and partially because it's him. 

Blaming Izaya tastes the same as lies, bitter and burning yet you believe because you need the feeling of normalcy that comes with it. Your body now full of inadequacy. And those might not be the best words but your head hurts and you do too, even when worse injuries have been inflicted on you throughout the years. 

You know it wasn't him, yet the knowledge of why you think like that scares you the most. So, you decide it was him, it has to be. You push all your confusion, pain and humiliation into becoming rage because that's what you know, how you learned to manage your problems when you are not indulging in self-pity and the feeling of never actually doing the right thing, never knowing what that was meant to be. 

Even when you hear your phone weakly ringing in the distance you ignore it. You want to pretend you are alone and eventually it stops. You don't know what time it is, you just know tomorrow you'll have to do your job and be Tom's bodyguard. You can't fail him. Not this time and not because of something you caused. You also have to attend Shinra's party and Izaya will be finally there and...

It was his fault? You want to believe it...

When you hear his voice you realize that, in fact, you were thinking about him this whole time. You don't know what to do with that. 

You heard them say the why and believed them until you realized there was always more than one reason.

**Author's Note:**

> First story ever about these two in English. This was my little contribution, all due to the fact that I have to distract myself with something. I intent to make this a little collection, but I am not sure. 
> 
> If you see any mistakes let me know and thank you for reading!
> 
> (probably gonna edit this story later)


End file.
